faithandworks

Contrary to popular belief, I haven't *quite* fallen off the face of the earth yet - not been around a lot lately at all, but have had a good reason:

Baby Number 2 is due in June!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had our 12 week scan today and everything is looking fine and healthy, so I *finally* get to officially tell people. *g* Totally thrilled, totally exhausted, and *really* need to start re-organising the house!!!

Will try to get on here more often from now on, hugs to everyone and talk soon! :)

Ever have one of those evenings where you look around and wonder what the heck you've done with it? 

Mini-rant ahead...

I am fully aware that no child is perfect. Mine certainly isn't. But I'm getting pretty fed up with the snatch-and-grab culture that seems to be acceptable where young kids are concerned. I confess I really don't get it. If I walked up to someone and took the book//phone/biscuit they had out of their hands and ran off with it, it would be called theft, right? Why then do we just shake our heads and accept it as normal from babies and toddlers? Oh, and don't get me started on "they have to learn" when it comes to fighting for what they want. I'm very sorry, but I would rather my daughter "learnt" to tell me or another grownup when something isn't going right, rather than snatching or hitting.

Elizabeth doesn't snatch stuff. I know, I know,apparantly it's perfectly normal for toddlers to do it,  but it's getting to the stage where I'm feeling she's actually getting penalised for being good with this. Usually if someone takes something from her, she gives them a "Why are you doing that?!" look, shrugs and goes off to find something else. She's never hit someone or pushed them or tried to take something back. We're lucky, I know. She's a pretty easy going little girl. If it's something she *really* wants, she'll turn to be or the nearest adult and rely on them to sort things out. Which is kinda what we want ultimately, isn't it? When she's at school, isn't it better for her to go and tell the teacher what is going on rather than hitting or taking things? Or am I getting this totally wrong?? The below situation happened today when we went to soft play; I don't usually push matters, and if E doesn't redirect herself after something's been taken from her I usually just move her on to something else, but I've reached the point where I'm really thinking WHY should she be the one who has to accomodate all the time? Surely the other kids have to "learn" too?

Elizabeth (17 months): Playing with two foam blocks, putting them on top of each other and knocking them over.
Random nearly-3 year old: Comes along, picks up the blue block and walks off with it.
Mum of 3 year old: Doesn't say anything.
Elizabeth: "Blue!!!!!" *looks at me*
Grandad of 3 year old: "That's not nice, you need to give it back."
3 year old: *Doesn't and starts to get cross*
Elizabeth: "Blue!!!" *does sign for please*
Soft Play Lady: "Aww, does she want it back?"
Me: "Yeah. Elizabeth, ask the little girl for it back?"
Elizabeth: "Blue! Please!" (Well, "Gow", which is please in her speak, but anyway.)
3 year old: *Made to give block back*
Elizabeth: "Thankyou." *Carries on playing*
3 year old: *Has utter meltdown, hits her mummy, gets told off, and spends rest of session crying*
Me: *Feels very guilty*

I do feel really really bad. But why should the consequence of behaving politely and nicely always mean Elizabeth ends up losing out? She's got pretty good at avoiding people she knows will take stuff, and is learning to deal with it like that, but seriously? ARRRRRGHHHHHH. Worst thing is, the kid involved today is usually really ok. It was the fact E was ready to take a stand on it by actually bothering to ask for it back that made me push the matter to get the block back. Meh.

Ethical shopping has it's downsides.

Like when *everything* I want appears to be produced by Nestle.

Grrrrrr.

Our daughter is officially weird.

Today at music group, she started pulling frantically at my top and demanding to see my belly button. I tried to distract her by asking where hers was, which led to 5 minutes of her scrabbling at her dress to try and find it. *facepalm*

Ow.

I somehow managed to cut my little finger whilst peelin a swede on Friday. Cut a huge chunk our of my nail and finger and it KILLS. Blood everywhere. Got it bandaged up by the nice man at the chemist. Felt very sorrt for myself. Of course I've bashed it on everything in sight since then, but at least I'm not feeling sick every time it happens any more. Even so - ARRRGGHHHH!!!!

It's meant to be a "safety" peeler too!

Happy Birthday, Grandad.

Missing you loads.

It's Go Go Go here as usual. Think that's something I'm just going to have to accept as the norm for the unforseeable future!

We've got the sleep thing sorted now at least, thank goodness. 5 teeth (yes, *5*) have made their appearance, and now we're down to a bit of a runny nose and a good night's sleep again. Hoorah! HUGE relief, as I now feel semi-human again, and can actually function on a day-to-day basis.

P's off to a wedding for the weekend tomorrow (the one I mentioned before where kids weren't invited), so it's going to be a daddyless weekend. Not too bad though as my mum is coming up to stay with us, and it'll be nice to have some gran/mum/grand daughter bonding time. It totally and utterly *sucks* how far away my family are from us here, and there are times when it just really gets me down. I might be coming on for 28 now, but I need my mum! :( It's made worse because she's feeling the loss of *her* mum and dad, and it would be so much easier if we lived nearer. Grrr. Not something that is going to change any time soon though, so I try not to dwell on it. Focus on the positive - not working this weekend, and getting to see mum. :)

We have now got to grips with the breadmaker, and have ditched buying bread from the shops. Woot! Also had a go at making jam which turned out very nicely, though I left the last lot of blackberries out too long so have had to throw them away.  Got enough to maybe make a second jar of jam though (we're half way through the first already!) - must remember to actually get on and do it!

I actually wrote something for the first time in MONTHS this week. It's short and pretty crappy, and felt like every word was being dragged out kicking and screaming, but am very pleased that it is done. I always suspected that the hormones etc from pregnancy/breastfeeding were tampering with my creative output, and the fact that I've come back to writing after stopping feeding confirms it. I'm not lamenting the loss of the last two years on any count, but it's nice to know that the muse is still there, albeit sleeping for a while!

Two funny moments to end on:

1) According to E, "What's The Buzz" from Jesus Christ Superstar is about a bus.

2) We had a breakdown in communication last week. I changed E's nappy, got her clothes sorted and put her down, telling her as I did so that I was going to "put the poo down the toilet". (Sorry for TMI there!) She trotted off ahead of me down the landing to the bathroom, lifted up the seat, and promptly threw the hippo she had been carrying in. I said POO. NOT HIPPO. *facepalm*

We currently have a teething, snotty, sleepless little girl, and a sleep-deprived cranky mummy.

Joy!

E is out to get me. 3am until 5am,  and I had to go into her over a dozen times. *yawns head off*

Though aparantly (or however you spell it) I am more productive when sleep deprived. Today I have:

- Gone to work
- Accompanied P and E on the weekly food shop
- Baked banana bread
- Made jam
- Cooked tea
- Sorted the washing.

Think the crash might be coming soon...!

A certain little girl who's name begins with E decided that getting up at 4am would be a good idea. Despite mummy and daddy not agreeing with her, she stayed up until 7am, went to bed for an hour, and then got up again. Now, at 11am, when daddy has long since been at work and mummy has to Do Stuff, she is asleep.

Someone pass me some matchsticks? I need to prop my eyelids open.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Right, so I'm incredibly hormonal, and possibly getting more irritated than I might do ordinarily, but need to rant. (Cross posted to Breastfeeding comm)

I've been reading a LOT of "Help, baby nursing ALL the time at 3/4/5/6 etc weeks, at the end of my tether, thinking about supplementing with formula, is it ok, what should I do???" posts. The early weeks are hard, really hard at times, I'm not denying that, or knocking the mum's for getting desperate. But I am sick to the back teeth of reading replies saying "Yes, this is fine!","It never did me/my brother/daughter/dog any harm, go ahead!", "You have to think about what is right for *you*" and so on. No. Just NO. I want to bang their heads against something. Hard. It's just a constant stream of misinformation, but the moment someone tries to contradict the shoddy advice, THEY are the evil ones. And then those mum's who have been given the bad advice come back a few weeks later and start advising the next wave of suffering mums and it carries on.

Serious question. Before formula, what did mum's *do*? Did they just leave their baby to starve, let them scream, or what? Or did they just get on with it and accept it as normal for their baby to be feeding 24/7? Have we suddenly become helpless, or have there always been desperate, sleep deprived mothers? I honestly don't know the answer, but would love to hear if someone else does. Because I'm all sorts of confused right now.

And then there's the "my baby is drinking waaaay too much milk, he/she's only 12 weeks old, thinking about weaning, is ths ok?" thing. Again, half (and I'm not kidding) of the comments in response consist of "mine were weaned at 3 months so it's fine", "I was weaned then and look at me!" etc etc.I  mean SERIOUSLY. WTF?!!? I was weaned at 12 weeks as that was the advice to parents when I was a baby, but that doesn't mean I think it's ok or that I would suggest it to anyone else. Even my mum agrees that we know more today about these things and admits that there were many ways to improve upon how things were when we were young.

Yet advice about weaning at 12 weeks, and that formula is ok  is allowed to stay on the boards, BUT a post in response to my asking how much cows milk a 16 mont old should have was deleted by the administrators because it denied the benefits and necessity of cows milk. Double standards doesn't even begin to cover it.

I know, I could just leave the place and stop reading. I should perhaps just stop letting it bother me and accept the fact that nothing can be done about it. But it just feels so WRONG to walk away and let it continue. It's not just on one particular board either; I'm finding it more and more all over the net and in real life and there's just this angry bubbling rage that so many peoples' breastfeeding attempts are being sabotaged.

Hugh Laurie is FIT.

Any more involved posting/commenting will have to wait until tomorrow. Too tired. *falls asleep* 

Mini-crisis of yesterday over.

I've been reading/posting on a non-lj forum for the last few weeks, and have been encountering a lot of "you're wrong, that's rubbish, how dare you" comments.  Not directed to me, but regarding things that I believe in strongly. It's been pissing me off, as the posters in question have clearly got very firm views on these areas, and it really made me question whether a) I was backing down in *not* responding and b) whether that is how you *have* to be when you believe in something as strongly as those posters. Now I've reached the conclusion that said couple of people were just being *****s, and seen that opposing views *can* exist side by side in that community - hoorah for sanity!

So, yeah. Feeling a lot better now.

Here's something that's been bothering me for a while now.... (Have rid brain of "mehness" long enough to try and put this into words!)

I am a strong believer in freedom of thought and speech, and that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am fully aware of the fact that the whole world does not and can not agree with everything I think, and that conflicting opinions is  a fact of life.  I get all of that, I really do, and wouldn't have it any other way.

BUT:

There *are* some things that I believe are categorically Right or Wrong. For instance, I believe in God. I believe that breastfeeding is best. I disagree with the use and promotion of formula. These aren't areas that are open for argument; my views are fixed. I am happy to discuss them with people, but ultimately, my stance does not change.

Which brings me to the issue. I know a lot of people who don't share my beliefs in those areas, and they are people I consider good friends and people I respect. I don't judge them for not agreeing, and respect their views and enioy discussing them. But if I am convinced that I am right on these things, then by extension, I must be saying that people who don't hold my views are wrong. Edit: Or rather, that they hold beliefs that are incorrect/mistaken. Perhaps that's a better way of putting it, and a more comfortable one. (And why do I keep typing "Edith" instead of "edit"? *Blames all the family tree research*)

Further edit: Or, better put, "I like to think I'm tolerant and open minded, but what if I'm just fooling myself and I'm really not and I didn't realise"? Still not liking "Wrong" as a word, incorrect/mistaken are turning out to be worse. Perhaps I have my answer in that - if I don't think in Rights and Wrongs, then it doesn't need to be looked at in them? *ponders*

*That* makes me uncomfortable. With myself I mean.

Does this make *any* sense, or am I just rambling?

Nappies going well. No one has forgotten to put an insert in yet, and E has only managed to take one off once. So far. All in all, success, yay! :)

On the downside, I think our washing machine is leaking. There was a suspicious pool of water last night... Have put a wash on now and watching carefully. Fingers crossed it's nothing!

Had more to write but brain is blaaaaaah today. Meh. lol.

We've finally taken the plunge, and our non-disposable nappies should be arriving at some point this week. Stupidly excited about it, and feeling a bit bad that we didn't decide to try them sooner, but better late than never and all that. I admit that I was too quick to dismiss the idea when I was pregnant, and it's only been since E has been a bit older and I've been looking into a whole load of "possibly more eco-hippy/attachment parenting type stuff than I would have previously been up for" that I've realised I'l probably do things a bit differently from now on and when number 2 comes along. The funny thing is, most people we know already think we are a bit "different" when it comes to the whole parenting thing, so goodness knows what they'll make of this. *snorts* 

But yes - nappies on the way.

P.S Huge apologies for the utter boringness of my journal!

General update!

The funeral was hard but bearable; I blubbed during my reading, but managed to get it out in the end - I managed to hold it together to read at Gran's, but this time it was just a bit too much. So many people were there, and it was so soon after being in the exact same place for Gran's, and it all just hit me at once. I loved and respected Grandad because, well, he was my Grandad, but I didn't realise before quite how many people loved him because he was *him*, and just how big a part he had played in his local community for all of his life. It was truly moving to hear people talk about him and everything he had done. If anyone had a full and fullfilled life it was him; we weren't ready to let him go just yet, but *he* was as ready as anyone can be to go I think - he had done everything he wanted to do, and had been fighting his illness for so long, and it was just time. Unfortunately knowing that doesn't stop me missing him terribly, but it does help, at least a little.

The day after the funeral we had a 5 hour drive up to Wales for another visit to the farm. It was only three months since we were last there, but it was completely different because now E is walking and even MORE into everything than ever. She absolutely loved it and fell in love with the 6 dogs all over again, and kept asking to go and see them the moment she woke up in the morning. It was great to see Sarah and David again, and the girls came home for the weekend especially to see us which was really good too. Took E to the beach for the first time and she thought it was fantastic - lots of splashing in the sea with daddy, and much fun to be had with a bucket and spade and the sand. We also went to a farm/zoo (where she got bitten by a chicken!) and lots of walks/exploring which suited us all down to the ground. It was a great week, but very very exhausting, and it's going to take about a month to recover! We celebrated our first wedding anniversary while we were away too - the plan *was* to go to the cinema, as we've not been since E was born, but there didn't turn out to be anything on that we wanted to see, so we stayed in and watched Slumdog Millionaire instead. Very good film! We watched Run, Fat Boy, Run the next night - I am definitely a Simon Peg(g?) convert!

I've started at work now, and it's going well. Going to be harder when Pete goes back to work in September as he won't be able to help out as much at home then, but hoping things continue to work out. The money certainly comes in handy, and the work is what I enjoy and am used to. It's taking a bit to get used to doing it again, but that'll come with time.

Update on the nursing strike; it's been over a month now, and I've had to resign myself to the fact that she's not coming back. She's had 14 months of breastfeeding, which is a heck of a lot more than most have, and I'm still expressing so she can have some before bed each night. It isn't ideal, but I think it is important that she continues to get the benefits for as long as possible. Again, it's something that will have to be re-evaluated when P goes back to work, but we've got another few weeks before then so I'm not fretting too much yet.


Lots more to ramble on about, but must go and see to the kitchen etc.

Good to be home :)

A yummy recipe I thought I'd share. Made these without the salt, and the sugar amount can be altered too.  E loves them - I have to admit I've eaten more than a few of them too!

Pineapple and Raisin Muffins

Ingredients:

100g plain flour

100g plain wholemeal flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

¾ teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground ginger

½ teaspoon salt

175ml vegetable oil

75g caster sugar

2 eggs

125g grated carrots

225g canned crushed pineapple, drained

100g raisins

 

Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4. Sift together the flours, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda, cinnamon, ginger and salt and mix well. Beat the oil, sugar and eggs together until well blended. Add the grated carrots, crushed pineapple and raisins. Gradually add the flour mixture, beating just enough to combine all the ingredients.

Pour the batter into muffin trays lined with paper cases and bake for about 25 mins or until golden. (Half the time if cooked in fairy cake cases.) Remove and cool.

Things are a bit more positive than last time I wrote; hoorah for "The Week of DOOM" being over at least.

I've had four sessions at work now, and things seem to be going well. B is a really cute little boy, and it's been good getting to know him and him getting used to me - he's always pleased when I arrive, and cried the first couple of times I left, so I *think* he likes me at least a bit! We're away for two weeks now so I won't see him again for a bit, but I'm hoping we've set a good foundation for when the programme starts properly at the end of August. Elizabeth has been fine with Pete for the three hours I've been away Saturday and Sunday, and I think it is good that they have the bonding time together. All in all, I think it's a good thing, and I'm looking forward to the sessions getting started properly; excited to see how much progress B can make!

Eebs is still refusing to nurse; it's been 10 days now, but I'm trying to stay positive; the average length for a nursing strike is 2-4 days, but *can* go on as long as 14. If we still have no luck by that point, it'll be time to re-evaluate, but for now it's a case of expressing three times a day to get enough to give her a drink before bedtime  (she was only having one feed from me pre-bed) and to keep my supply up. I know a lot of people will be wondering why I'm bothering; she's nearly 15 months now, and that's 15 months of mummy-milk more than an awful lot of babies get. Our health visitor suggested that it might be time to wean her as she's decided not to take any more, but on speaking to a breastfeeding counsellor and some advice online, I am keen to try and get her back to the breast. The WHO recommends breastfeeding for the first two years of life and there are still many benefits to get getting my milk even at this stage. If she had slowly weaned herself and made it clear she was over it, then that would be one thing; the abrupt stop after a biting incident (which is apparantly very common) and the fact that she is distressed over it means I don't want to just give up - especially if she decides a few days down the line to come back and then finds I don't have any milk to give her. Expressing is a pain, but it's worth it, even if she spends the next few months drinking it out of a cup rather than nursing. Trying not to think about the fact that she might not come back to it; it's something I had always taken for granted (we've had such a great nursing relationship from the start that I never thought we'd have issues this far down the line) and I'm finding this really hard to deal with. *Mostly* managing to keep my chin up though, and fingers crossed.

Got a busy couple of weeks ahead of us now; off to father-in-law's for the weekend, then down home for Grandad's funeral, and then up to Wales for a week. Going to be tiring, but hopefully fun as well - just need to make sure everything we own is washed and ironed beforehand!

Must go and get the 'chilla out now. Busy busy busy!

P.S Eebs has started saying "Mumum". Melts my heart every time I hear it! (Other words include "Hello", "All gone", "quack", "again" and "alien". *snorts*!)